Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
