imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
