oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
