Non-Jews are for practice
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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