My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
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