forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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