ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
