I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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