that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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