i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
