The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
