you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
