so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
