i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
