So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
