so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
