We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I skipped work to stalk him.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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