did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
