i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
