I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
