lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
