Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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