it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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