You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
