I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
