I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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