If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We are all done wearing pants today
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
