I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
