carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
