so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize