12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
