these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
