I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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