well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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