Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I met the friendliest cop last night
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
