I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize