i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
