I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
