I got her a Nickelback box set.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just want nice things and good sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
