Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
