dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
