wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
