That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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