I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
