It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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