hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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