dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Will exercising make me less horny?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize