You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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