I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
