I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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