Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
