6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
