I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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