I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
