you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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