what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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