I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
