he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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