I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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