they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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