Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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