I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
