I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
