I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
