GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
