I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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