I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
