hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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