I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
