I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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