He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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