sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
farters have to be the big spoon...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
