He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
