Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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