Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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