My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
