don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
