Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
